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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30094863">This</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllyThePotato/pseuds/AllyThePotato'>AllyThePotato</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>And Why Is That? [16]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Glee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Guilt, Infidelity, Internal Conflict, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:08:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>878</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30094863</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllyThePotato/pseuds/AllyThePotato</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What does this mean—</p><p>Are they—</p><p>Is Kurt—</p><p>Does he regret it—</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Kurt Hummel/Sebastian Smythe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>And Why Is That? [16]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2181036</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>This</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohjeezglee/gifts">ohjeezglee</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/backslashdelta/gifts">backslashdelta</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carmex/gifts">Carmex</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Greetings and salutations!!!</p><p>I greet you with part sixteen!! *party music* </p><p>I have the next two installments written out in my notebook, and will be typing them out soon :) </p><p>Back at it again with the Anaphora. Enjoy, loves.</p><p>Ya'll know who this is for at this point lol.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sebastian looks at Kurt, not saying anything. He just lets him talk, explain, cry. He doesn't say a single word. He doesn't really know </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span> to say, to be honest. What can he say? He doesn't trust himself to speak.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What does this mean—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Are they—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Is Kurt—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Does he regret it—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kurt finishes, his face red and blotchy. Sebastian is silent, still. Afraid to speak. Afraid to destroy it. The wrong word will crush it, it's that fragile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This. This wrong. This thing that got out of control. This thing that he can't let go—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He's lost Blaine. He knows that now, and the thought burns through him. He doesn't deserve Blaine. Blaine who just wanted him to be happy. Blaine who wanted him to have someone of his own. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, God, Blaine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Is this worth breaking him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Losing him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kurt seems to think so.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kurt gave up Blaine for—for what, exactly?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sebastian?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It doesn't feel as good as he thought it would. He used to dream of this, of not having to hide his love for Kurt. For Kurt to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>I want you, Sebastian. </span>
  </em>
  <span>No, it doesn't feel good at all—he feels sick. He doesn't—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kurt shouldn't have done that. Let him go. Not for someone like Sebastian. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he's already lost Blaine. Can he lose Kurt, too? He doesn't—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He can't be alone—not anymore. He knows what love feels like, what it does. He can't lose it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he stole it. Stole this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What does </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>mean—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Are they—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Is Kurt—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Will he regret it—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Sebastian," he hears Kurt whisper. "Please say something."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sebastian meets Kurt's eyes. They're tired, sad, afraid. But they're also beautiful, his eyes—a blue that Sebastian wants to drown in. He would, if he weren't so damn afraid. "What if you regret it?" Sebastian asks, the words coming out scratchy and raw. "You shouldn't have thrown it all away, not for me. I'm not worth losing Blaine over—Kurt you shouldn't have done this. I wish—I wish you wouldn't have started this in the first place."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kurt stills. "You kissed </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>," he says, the faintest trace of venom in his voice. "I didn't do this on my own."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sebastian stands up. "Kurt, you're going to regret this one day—and then I'll have no one. And neither will you. It'll all have been for nothing. You're going to regret it and </span>
  <em>
    <span>leave</span>
  </em>
  <span> and I'll be alone—"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I won't," Kurt says suddenly. "I don't. I'm not going to say that I'm completely alright. I'm not. I feel like I'm the worst person to walk the face of the earth. I hurt him. And I'm very selfishly going to miss him. I miss him right now, even. So much that it </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurts</span>
  </em>
  <span>. But that doesn't mean that I don't want you. That doesn't mean that I don't love you. I do. I want this."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"And why is that?" The words fall out of Sebastian's mouth before he even realizes that he's talking. "You're giving up everything. For what? This—this…</span>
  <em>
    <span>us? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kurt, what even </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> this? How do you know you want it? Want me?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kurt lips are in a line, his features almost unreadable if it wasn't for the sadness in his eyes. "You don't trust me." It's not a question, not really.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yes—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No, not really—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I want to," Sebastian says."You understand why I don't, don't you?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because Kurt could walk out at any moment—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because if he hurt Blaine, he could hurt Sebastian just as badly—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Worse—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Does he regret it—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Will he regret it—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This—</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Does he really understand what </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>is—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kurt nods. "Yeah, I understand why—I just wish you did. I want this. I know I didn't at one point—I know. But I do now. I want </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I'm all in, Bas."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You're still so fucked up," Sebastian says in a huff. But he grabs Kurt's hand. "You're so fucked. This doesn't seem fair."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's not. I love you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sebastian runs his thumb over Kurt's knuckles, not meeting his eyes. "Aren't you going to say you hate yourself for it?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kurt shakes his head. "I've made a promise. I won't break it. I'm tired of breaking promises."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sebastian doesn't ask—that's Kurt's business. But he's so grateful to whoever it was. "You know, I've been thinking about it. When we...that first time—that wasn't the beginning of the After. This—tonight feels like the beginning of the After. The end of the Before was the In Between, because that's what it was, wasn't it? An In Between?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kurt leans his head on Sebastian's shoulder."Yeah—that seems about right. Welcome to the After. It feels kind of empty, doesn't it?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This</span>
  </em>
  <span> would always feel empty, because someone was missing from it. A hole they couldn't fill. Hopefully the wound would eventually heal, but there would definitely be a scar left to remind them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It'll get better, I think," Sebastian says. "I hope. And that's all I can do right now, is hope." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I miss him," Kurt says suddenly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I do, too."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sebastian can only hope this feeling of emptiness fades away, because if it grows any bigger it will swallow them both.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading xx</p></blockquote></div></div>
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